BDSM Rules: Guide for Dom and Sub |  ORION Magazine

BDSM Rules: Guide for Dom and Sub | BBFactory

BDSM: Many would like to try it, some practice it passionately, for others it is nothing at all. And of course all of that is perfectly fine. For all those who have it though If you want to try it out and don’t yet know exactly what is important, we have created a small guide on what needs to be observed in BDSM and what rules there are and can be.

Some ground rules

Bondage & disciplining, dominance & submission, sadism & masochism – that’s what the abbreviation BDSM stands for. As the long name suggests, BDSM cannot be broken down into a very specific type of sexual inclination. However, a common denominator for all BDSM fans is that two partners fit into a clearly defined power structure. As the dominant part, the “Dom” or “Top” has control over the “Sub” or “Bottom”, i.e. the submissive partner. Both roles can of course be occupied by men or women, whereby a female Dom is usually referred to as a “femdom” or a “domina”. The extent to which the Dom has power of disposal over the sub must be clarified beforehand – which brings us to the first basic rule:

conduct a preliminary talk

Before a Dom-Sub relationship is entered into, it must first be clarified in a conversation which specific rules apply to the relationship. I give some examples of this below. It must also be made clear whether the Dom-Sub relationship, including rules, is continuous (“24/7”) or only for so-called “sessions”. The latter variant is the more common, especially among fixed couples. You also have to discuss whether you want to distribute the roles permanently or whether you want to be both dom and sub. The roles can be changed either from session to session or as the mood takes you – even during a session. The focus of all practices should be on your preferences, your fantasies and your needs. Since not everyone knows exactly what the other person explicitly wants, communication is immensely important. Exact wishes and possible expectations must be clarified in advance so that no misunderstandings arise.

Voluntariness and absolute trust

A dom-sub relationship can be lived out in the context of a love relationship, but it can also exist separately from it. Either way, it is essential that those involved, especially the sub, voluntarily participate in the relationship – and that both partners can trust each other absolutely. In the BDSM scene, the motto “safe, sane and consensual” (SSC) applies, which means something like: “safe, with a clear mind and with mutual consent”.

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Turn off Safe Word

Pushing or even exceeding certain limits is part of BDSM. However, the mutual trust of the partners also means that the sub can assume that the dom will not do anything that could cause real damage or cause the sub discomfort beyond the desired. Likewise, the dom must also be sure that the sub will say in case of doubt that a critical limit has been exceeded. Since it can also be part of the erotic role-playing game that the sub asks the dom for leniency, but the dom ignores it, a safety word, often called a safe word, must be agreed. As soon as this safe word is spoken in the role play, the session must be ended immediately. Otherwise trust in one another would be irreparably damaged. The cathedral must therefore also be able to assume responsibility. Both psychological and physical stability are a prerequisite here. The choice of the cathedral should therefore be well considered.

No shame in an accident

When you hear the word accident, you immediately lose interest. But that too is something that can happen to amateurs in particular. If serious injuries occur, you should of course contact an emergency doctor immediately. Don’t worry about possible shame. On the one hand, doctors have a duty of confidentiality, which means that this faux pas can never be made public. On the other hand, doctors have usually already seen and experienced a lot, which also weakens the prevailing situation.

BDSM Toys …

Once you have understood the basics and discussed the most important points, the real fun can begin. In principle, you can have BDSM sex without any toys, but the use of tools increases the attraction. In addition to the classic purchase of certain items such as whips or candles, there are also objects in everyday life that can be used wonderfully for this purpose: your own hands for hitting, fingernails for scratching or teeth for biting. The belt of the dressing gown or a scarf can be misused and used for tying up.

The classic candle wax can also be used to combine pain and pleasure. Pay special attention to the heat here. Normal candles can get very hot, you could burn yourself. Special candles only reach a certain heat, which is more tolerable. Here it depends on your own wishes. You should choose the underlay with care, as it can get a little messy – a vinyl sheet is a good idea.

Clothespins can be used to cause a little pain to your partner or yourself. You should be careful and only start with a few minutes at the beginning, because you should first get a feeling of how far you can go. If you overdo it, there is a risk of damage.

If you like playing around with local objects, then you can gradually access a large selection of professional sex toys. Nipple chains and clamps, shackles and gags, later also sex furniture and electronic toys: the possibilities of making the already exciting BDSM relationship even more exciting with the help of toys are practically limitless.

… and the right way to deal with them

When using and implementing all the ideas already mentioned, there are many points that should be considered, especially by beginners. When fixing someone, the limbs must be taken into account. Both the dom and the sub must keep an eye on this. If a strong tingling or numb feeling occurs, the fixation must be released immediately. When tying yourself, care should be taken that the head is not hanging over an edge or resting on a soft surface. If handcuffs are used, sharp edges may be a potential hazard. The same applies here: keep your eyes open!

The blows that you carry out, whether with your bare hand or with an aid, should by no means be aimed at the head, neck, neck, joints or kidney area by beginners. Face slaps are possible, this is where the smallest danger exists, but possible damage cannot be ruled out in the other areas mentioned. You can also warm up the skin with light taps with the palm of your hand. Areas such as the buttocks, upper back or thighs are best suited for this. This promotes blood circulation, which “warms up” the skin.

Examples of special rules

While the rules mentioned so far are intended to guarantee the safe course of a Dom-Sub relationship, I would now like to name a few rules for your inspiration, which are often practiced in BDSM relationships and which result in erotic punishments if they are not observed:

• A classic Dom rule for the sub is that he or she be assertive dress codes subject to, which apply either permanently or during a session. For example, she is only allowed to wear skirts or dresses and no pants – or no underwear.

• Another popular rule is that the sub only during a session rode allowed if he is spoken to or asks nonverbally for permission to speak.

• Also the direct eye contact can be banned from the sub during a session.

• A rule that also works well outside of sessions is the following: the sub is only allowed to leave – even in the absence of the Dom satisfy yourselfif he has previously asked the cathedral for permission.

• The rule that the sub should sit down for a certain amount of time before an agreed session – for example one week long – not allowed to satisfy himself.

• Also very popular in the BDSM scene is the rule that the sub agrees to a thank punishment got to.

• A rule for everyday life can be that the sub has to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles or stretch the anus for anal sex with love balls or a butt plug. For example, a workable rule is that she must insert love balls before each purchase.

• Regarding the mutual salutation you can also get creative. While the dom or dominatrix has to be addressed with “Mistress”, “Lord” or “Master”, for example, the sub can be referred to as a slave in order to emphasize the power structure within the session.

The general rule with regard to such special rules is that too many concrete rules can curb the variety and excitement that make the whole thing so interesting. You can therefore set some of these rules in consultation only for certain periods of time or not set any fixed rules at all, but only set the unconditional observance of the cathedral’s instructions as a rule.

BDSM rules – conclusion

The subject of BDSM is often ridiculed or even disgusted in public. Secretly, however, many people, men and women, wish to slip into the role of dom or sub, dominatrix or slave – even if it’s only for a while. The submission, the erotic punishments, the special relationship, the profound kind of trust and also the electrifying pain are attractive aspects of an erotic variety that everyone should have tried at least once. But with all the fun, it’s also important to remember some important rules that make such a relationship possible — and by that I don’t mean the prohibition of masturbation. But if you are both clear about what you want, if you trust each other unreservedly and if you stick to the above principles, then nothing stands in the way of a new exciting experience.

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