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Swinger Club – Experiences, Tips & Info| BBFactory

Hello Lotta, on your blog and in the book “The Swinger Bible” you write about the subject of swingers clubs. How did you come up with this topic in the first place? And does anyone even read this?

The thought of a place where open-minded people can have uncomplicated sex in a safe environment has long appealed to me. But like many people, I was dissatisfied with my body and afraid to show myself. And I had wild ideas about what it would be like in a swingers club. In short: I was terrified. It was years before I finally plucked up the courage and finally tried a swingers club. And I found out: it’s all much easier than I thought! I have to tell other people who have the same fear of the unknown as I do. And there are many of them! The interest in swinger clubs is huge, it’s just that nobody talks about it. That’s why I started my blog lottafrei.de 2.5 years ago. Here I give my readers a realistic picture of the chances and possibilities of swinging.

You describe swinging as an opportunity for the relationship. What exactly do you mean?

Almost all people, at some point in long-term relationships, feel like having sex with someone other than their partner. Women even faster and more frequently than men, for whom a general lack of sex in the relationship is a reason for separation. This lust for others is therefore a completely normal phenomenon. Going to a swingers club as a couple offers the opportunity to live out this desire together. You start talking about your fantasies again, you experience your partner and yourself in a completely new context. This is a fresh kick for love!

Do you have to have sex with others in a swingers club? Or is there something else you can experience there that is not possible at home?

In the swinger club, the motto is ‘everything is possible, nothing must’. Some couples keep to themselves and simply enjoy the flirty, sex-positive atmosphere. Most clubs even have couples’ rooms where you can close the door behind you if you want to have sex alone. Other couples enjoy being watched having sex in the regular playroom. Or to look for players among the other guests. From bi experiences and partner swapping to orgies with a surplus of men, everything is conceivable. You can get tied up in the BDSM room or just be really loud without the kids listening. I know some parents who found their way into the swingers club and have been there for years.

It sounds like anything is really possible. Are there any rules one should follow when visiting?

‘No means no’ is a rule taken very seriously among swingers. What has only become a topic for society as a whole through the #metoo debate has always been the case in the swinger club. In addition, condoms are mandatory when having sex with someone other than my own partner. There are also condoms throughout the club, so you don’t have to bring them with you. And: Mobile phones have no place in the swingers’ club and everyone sticks to that.

What kind of people do you actually meet in swinger clubs?

Look around at the next parents’ evening, team meeting or yoga class. Every single person could secretly be a swinger. There is no specific type. The ages range from 18 to over 60, with most being around 30 to 50 years old. But what unites everyone in the swingers’ club is curiosity, love of life and tolerance. I find it enriching to meet people of all stripes there who I might otherwise never have met.

That means I could theoretically meet someone I know there? Isn’t that super embarrassing?

That has never happened to me myself. But a friend of mine actually met a distant colleague once. Now the two share a secret and grin at each other every time they meet in the hallway. So, it’s very unlikely you’ll actually see someone you know on a visit hold true. And if they do, they won’t be any less embarrassed than you.

You are a swinger yourself and live in an open relationship. Is jealousy a foreign word for you?

Not at all. I used to be jealous if my boyfriend only went out for a drink with colleagues – there could have been a woman who was nicer than me. But jealousy has a lot less to do with the partner than with ourselves. Those who do something for their self-esteem are usually less jealous. And as paradoxical as it sounds: swinging itself has also reduced my jealousy. Not just because of the positive attention I suddenly get from other people – not just men! – got. As a couple, we have also experienced that our love grew stronger the more freedom we were able to give each other. It’s worth jumping over your own shadow at the beginning. I also give tips for dealing with jealousy in the swinger club in my book and blog.

When is a couple ready for the swingers club?

If you are curious about the unknown. Maybe you’ve already tried sex toys or bondage games, but somehow you still want more. Desire for someone else’s skin, for example. Or a third person in bed. In order to be able to classify and process the experiences in the swingers club (after all, it can happen that I see my partner having sex with someone else!) Both should have the will to listen to the other and to talk about their feelings.

How do I tell my partner that I would like to try swinging?

I know from my readers that partners often react much more openly than I thought. Maybe he*she had the idea himself, but was afraid to say it. Sometimes you run into open doors with such suggestions. I advise you to start with low-threshold first. For example, you could suggest that you just watch it without anything sexual happening. Just go there, have a drink at the bar, look around and go home. But to be honest: most of them don’t just stop at ‘just having a look’. If you find it difficult to pronounce the suggestion, you can also write it as a text message. This also gives the partner time to think about an answer. The main thing is that you trust yourself. There is nothing to lose but standing still.

Assuming I’m single or my partner doesn’t want to come with me. As a woman, can I even go there alone?

Sure, of course! There is no other place where you can feel so safe as a woman. You don’t have to be afraid of being hit on all the time either. A ‘No, thank you’ or a shake of the head is enough to keep applicants at a distance. And if you like someone, you don’t have to decide first whether to go to him or to you. The playgrounds in the swinger club invite you to go one step further. If it doesn’t turn out as well as you’d hoped, you can end the sex midway through without feeling any obligation. That applies in general. But I think it’s especially easy in the swingers’ club to only continue sex that feels really good. That’s something I learned for life from swinging – to listen to my gut and to take my own needs seriously.

Checklist: This is how you recognize a good swingers club

  • Photos
    Are there enough photos of all the rooms on the club’s website? What impression do the photos create in you? Can you imagine feeling comfortable there? Does everything look neat and tidy?
  • General info
    Can you find all the information you are looking for on the homepage? Are all rooms and play options described in the text? Is something said about the hygiene standard? Is there parking? Is the pricing model transparent?
  • Event calendar
    Is there a calendar in which various themed evenings or events are announced? Can you imagine something under the event description?
  • Dress code
    A good swingers club takes its dress code seriously. Is there a separate dress code in each event description?
  • Contact
    Does the operator offer that you can get in touch as a beginner? If you still have questions, you should be able to clarify them quickly and easily with the club. A good club makes you feel welcome as a newcomer.

Link: The Swinger Bible

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